Well since I am updating myself here. I will try something else as well

Well I am trying another thing here to make me a little more upbeat. Yeah I just said that above.

I was thinking of a bucket list. Well what do we think of this. I am not gonna give myself a time based bucket list, but a list that I will hope get most of the stuff on done before I become too bad in order to do it. Well first of all I hope I don't get too bad at all, but that I am afraid is not gonna go over that well. I figure. If I keep up with the resolutions I have put in the last blog that I can stave it off as long as I can. Now with the bucket list I will look forward to the things I would love to be able to do. Make sense. Well I hope so because it is some way I think I can keep myself motivated. Motivation is not my strong suit.

Well where do I start now.

I am thinking a little bit of travel is in order. So places I would love to go.
So far I have been to the Bahamas. This was my 50th birthday present to myself. Since I wasn't gonna get anything from anyone in this family so decided I was gonna work on that for my birthday.
I did a real adventure and made it to Panama. I wasn't sure about that trip but it was an adventure for me who doesn't like to go off the beaten path. The place we stayed was great and the beach was right there to enjoy.
Second of all I made it this past summer to see Mount Rushmore. A monument I did want to see. Road down on the Harley as a biker chick. Enjoyed that trip as well. But my butt and legs had other stories to tell about that trip.
Other places I have been and would like to go back to is Las Vegas and Florida.
Well Florida will be on the agenda this spring. We are going down there as a drive. We will be taking a week and driving to Florida and then spending a week in a time share a friend has offered to let us use. Then spending a week driving home. Three weeks of holidays spent driving and then enjoying a week checking out Disney and marineland and maybe a drive down the keys. Or a check out of the glads to see alligators. Well I am not too interested in that but I would love to find dolphins some were around the area. Hope the driving just isn't too much for me. Well will have to see. Plane rides are another story for me and sitting very long.

Okay places I want to see before I end up not being able to.
Jamaica, Alaska, Australia, Hawaii yes defiantly Hawaii, and Scotland /England. To see the east coast again would be nice as well. Oh yeah a drive down the coast to California.

So now in this travel I want to take a couple of cruises. Yeah that would be nice. See some of the world from the balcony on a ship. Maybe a trip through the Panama Canal. I am thinking that. Cruise would be easy on my body. Have a place to go back to when you need to. Take in the sights at ports and enjoy the days just cruising away. This just sounds lovely.

Another cruise would be to Alaska. I was thinking last year that we would go up on the bike, but that fizzled out and we headed to the states instead. Hubby thought it would be getting a little cool for riding bike in end of August. So maybe this year we may head that way. It will be in the car or maybe we will rent a motor home to go. Will see what is on the agenda at the time. Maybe maybe not. Who knows.

Seeing sights around the states would be nice. Would like to see allot of the Grand Canyon.

Well that is travel I want to do.

Now things I would love to be able to do.

One thing is fly. I know sounds kinda silly. But this kind of flying I would like to do. You go to a wind tunnel, put on a suit and take off flying in this tunnel. I think that would be great. I have always thought flying would be great. When I was a kid I dreamed allot of being able to fly like a bird above the tree tops. Well this won't be above the tree tops, but will be up and down in a tunnel. How about flying over the falls of some kind on a zip line. I would scream my guts out but I think it would be fun. Also another way to fly is in an ultralight plane.. I almost did one once before but chickened out at last minute. Maybe I will do it yet. I don't want to jump out of a plane or anything like that. Or jump off a cliff and do a dive or float to the earth on a parachute or a kite. That I don't think is for me. But soaring above and not falling to the ground is something I did think about many times. Just have to get over being a chickenshit and give it a try.

Also again I would like to be able to swim with dolphins again. The last time was allot of fun and would love to be able to do it again.

So now thinking of being in the water I would love to be able to go down in a two person sub and seeing the sea life. I went down once in a motorized type of scooter. That was not something I think I would like to do again. It was too confining. A bubble over your head and I couldn't get the thing to move right. I also had trouble with my ears going down and couldn't do as much as anyone else.

A walk near a volcano and see the bubbling of the lava. That would be in Hawaii. I have a big interest in seeing Hawaii. Can you tell. Should I think about the fact I would like to body surf as well. Here is something else for Hawaii. Ha plus dolphins. Can you tell I like dolphins ALLOT.

I would love to be able to sing in a choir again. But I know that will never be in the cards. My voice has gone to scrap with this dry mouth and throat.. But to be able to sing again and raise my voice to the heavens again. That would make me smile soo big.

Gosh I haven't got much else in the way of ambition here do I.

Just getting this mortgage paid off and living a good long life as pain free as I can. Enjoying what time I have.

Well some bucket list I have. Travel to a few places, fly and swim with the dolphins.

I am not an ambitious person I guess. My interest lay in the fact that I like to do crafts of woodworking and knitting and scrap booking. Searching out family tree info.

If I was real ambitious I would like to walk the Great Wall of china, but that would be me going to china and I don't see myself doing that. Or let's see. How about going up the Eiffel Tower. But France is not someplace I was thinking of going, but I do think of going to Australia. What is with that. I would think of Germany as that is we're my ancestor come from but there is not a big ambition for it. I would like Scotland and England though. I'm not sure why I would not go but I feel it in my bones that it would not be a place I would go. Mexico might be a place like maybe cancun or maybe the grand cayman island. This all has to do with me seeing dolphins again. Yeah I know. I do have a liking for them.

I am just a home body. Not too ambitious and not much in the way of dreams. A little travel and a little crafty stuff. Being a home body most of the time. Enjoying my family and my pets. A little music. Get out once in while with friends and having as many laughs as I can. And all together just keeping myself going.

Okay bucket list are to be for when you are dieing but it for me is for getting to things before I can't anymore. Well I know where I stand. Can I do some of these things or am I just filling up a bucket of unfinished dreams? We will see.

Giving it my best shot

I know this is not the whining and complaining I usually do. But hey I think it is allot better. If you want a giggle go back through this bog and find the one about exercise or the one about my brain frogs.

I made a couple of Christmas resolutions. Well you know everyone makes New Years resolutions but I figured I will make a couple of Christmas resolutions. Maybe I can keep them a little better.

first one is I am going to be more confident in everything I do.

Second I am going to come up with something positive to say for my self every morning. Or at least every few mornings. As you can see on my face book and twitter I am starting to come up with a new quote every now and then to upbeat my mood. In some ways I think it is helping. It takes my mind off of other things like the pain I wake up with and the crankiness I put up with. From myself and others in the house or work.

Thirdly I am going to get myself out of the house more often doing things. That was started this past summer when I joined up with the red hats. Another blog I have been doing that you may have read from me.

This does not mean I am going to be going to work more. This is just bringing me down now. To much tension in that place. It just does bring me down more. Standing all day and listening to customers that just want to complain about something going wrong is just not getting to be my thing any more. Customer service is for the birds. Especially after working it for over ten years. I need something else in my life but at this age who would want to hire me. Well only a few years to retire if I can keep it up.

Well to bring my mood up I did make it out to a concert last night. Kenny Hess had a Christmas concert last night. Lots of gospel type Christmas music that brought me to tears a couple of times. He sure does know how to belt out the songs with feeling. Well that was a night for me to remember for awhile. I just loved it. Wanted to sing right along with him. Only problem with that is my voice is so scratchy now it sure would not sound right . I use to have such a great voice and now it is just scratchy. Dang dry throat and mouth. Oh oh getting down again. This is suppose to be a positive thing for me. Well I hope to find more things like that to keep me going.

Fourthly there is exercise. Yeah right. That one may be a little tougher. Everytime I start a program of some kind it will fizzle out after a while. Need to do this though or I am just going to seaze up and not be able to move at all. What good is that going to do me. So dogs get ready for more walking. When it is not raining that is. Then it will only be one time in morning. I also have my women cave started down stairs. It has my craft room but also has the rowing machine down there and the tread mill. Enough room to do it there along with a set of weights that have dust on them and a few other exercise stuff that has not been used in a while. Well it is time to dust them off and get start on that.

Well there is a fifth one that is if budget will let me do. Is to travel a little more before it gets too tough to do it. I did a trip here this past year that I enjoyed very much. Problem is it did cause me trouble afterwards for awhile. We did a bike trip last summer. Made it over to Mount Rushmore before we turned around to come back. That was a blast except my but and legs told me different by the time we got home. You have probably read about it on my otherblog. This spring we are taking another road trip. This one will be in the car as the snow will still be on the ground some places. Heading all the way across the states and ending up in Florida. We have a time share there for a week given to us from a friend to use. So are driving there and then spending a week near Disney and then driving home. Three weeks with two in a car and one week enjoying the sights. Well that will be fun. At least I hope. See as the time gets closer. It will be up on my other blog old harley broad and other vacations. So vacations I hope will be allot so I can see allot of country. Depending on the budget that is though. In the past few years I have made it to panama and the Bahamas. I would love to take a cruise and see a little of the world around me before I am not able to anymore.

There is a sixth thing. And that is just to be myself and not worry about what other people think of me and not being able to do as much as I use to. It is tough right now when the family still expects me to do the things I could do before. Then at work were they always expect more and more out of you. Well I just keep trucking and do what I can do when I can do it and to hell with everyone else. Sounds good.

The seventh thing is to keep up with my crafty stuff. I now have a room I can fill up with it and a place to do it without having to put it away every time. I love doing these things and as long as my hands will let me do I am going to keep up with it. Getting rid of the stuff is another thing. I have done the craft fairs but never seem to sell much. Oh this also has a blog going of morning song creations if you would like to read up on what goes on there. Face book has a page of morning song creations as well if you would like see what i make. Well I have just advertised my four blogs that you can read if you want.

These are seven things I hope to keep up with this year. Christmas resolutions I hope to keep. I know I never keep my New Years resolutions so maybe if I make them early I will do a little better. I have been starting some of them already in this past year.

So everyone out there. Have yourself a great holiday season.

I want to be moving for as long as I can and not be sitting on the couch just watching the tv all day. I just have to get the adventure in. This is my life. So I am starting now. Wish me luck on this new quest. Love ya all for reading my blogs and supporting me here and on Facebook and twitter. I know not much of a following but I do have a little. Have a great holiday season and keep safe. Love ya much. Talk to you again next year. See you on the flip side. Bye for 2012.

Sitting here early in the morning

You know there are just some days you can't just sleep in a little. I am sitting here at five o'clock in the morning. I was up at four. Give me a break here.

My mind is just rushing with things I can't seem to figure out. First off I bought a new set of lights to put outside for Christmas. Yesterday I could not for the life of me figure out how to get them together so they work. So low and behold I am up this morning playing around with them. I need my sleep, but that doesn't seem to make my mind turn off so I can sleep and stop thinking about what had to be done. Well I did eventually figure out how to get them together so they all work at once.

I may not be to smartest bulb in the lot but I did get them to work. Took two hours to figure it out. Real technical it was. Just have to plug in both the plug and the transformer and they start doing the sequence they are suppose to do. I thought I had a bunch of broken sets that would not work together. I think sjogrens is going to my head.

Lately I have been feeling light headed and walking is getting to be a bit of a chore. Well at least to walk straight that is. I am heading in a direction and for some reason it takes longer to get there. What is with that. It is a straight line I a heading for but my body just wants to take a detour to the right or the left. I do end up were I want to be eventually but it just takes a little extra time to get there.

The fibro is playing havoc with me as well. One day will feel pretty good and then the next day my back is a little sore in the morning and by afternoon I have what feels like the flu again. Every were just hurts. Even my skin if I touch it feels like there is barb wire running up and down it. I bang something with my arm and the pain just runs every were. Brother that is a pain.

Now steps are getting to be a problem with me as well. I have to use the stair quite a bit during the day. To go to lunch room and then back down to desk. At home allot of things are down stairs. My work shop, my craft room, the laundry room and so on maybe just to get outside and let the dogs out. Going down is not too much of problem but coming back up my knees buckle and I have to stop. So now living in the house that I love is now going to start to be a problem as well.

Oh oh here comes some twinges to my shoulders and back. I guess it is time to stop my whining here and maybe head back to bed for a little more snoozing before I have to go to work. Yeah another day of work. I really would love to retire but the bills will not get paid that way. Some day I hope it will be a reality. But for now have to keep truckin along and feeling the pain and whining. I know you are all sick of hearing it but I am probably going to be whining allot more as this progresses further and hurts more.

Time for a little snooze before I end up at work sleeping.

Sniff, sniff, snort, snort, cough, cough

Oh gaul another cold. Is there anytime that I don't get a cold here.

Work is the worse cuprite for giving me colds. Have to touch money all the time and you know how dirty that is. With how many people touch it through the day. Then there are the dirty bottles I have to return all the time. Some of them are just discusting. The last thing is all the people that come up to buy cigarette. Some of them do not seem to be in the best of health when they come up to me, but they got to have their pack of smokes for the week.

It is a wonder I am not sicker all the time. Thank goodness for that. It is getting harder and harder to stay healthy though. If I could find myself a job that wouldn't have to deal with the public. Could hide in my own little cubical away from everyone and do my stuff. I know that is never going to happen. Finding a job when you are almost close to retirement is not a easy feat. Who would like to hire someone who is now over the hill as my son keeps saying.

Maybe winning the loto. I know that is not an option either. I do buy the tickets but will never see a winning from it either. You say never say never but my luck never runs to being a winner at anything. Everything has a purpose in life and I just happen to be living in my own unlucky life here.

I ended up being sick. Which is not curable. It will just get worse as time goes by. My life isn't great sometimes but I am making the best of it. There are times when I would just love to crawl under the covers and never come out again.

Well now I have another cold come on. Great. It started here a few days ago with a sore throat. I just couldn't get rid of it. It just kept being sore. Up into my nose and down to my chest. Was not easy to swallow. I ended up loosing four pounds out of it because I couldn't eat much. One advantage. Then the fever came. And the coughing. Lovely. One big dry cough. And the just kept coming. Couldn't stop coughing. This came on when I was at work. Busy day and I could not get any relief so I could go to the back for a minute. I had a customer in front of me and you could see him backing up as he didn't want to be near me. Well for sure I didn't want to be near me either. My eye started to run as well. And started to caked over so I couldn't see out of my one eye.

The next day I had to call in sick. I was high with fever and the fibro was kicking in to make it worse. I had aches and pains everywhere. Couldn't move much at all. All I wanted to do was sleep and cuddle up in blankets to keep warm.

This I say is not a normal cold. Went to the clinic to see if I might have something else. Well he said nothing to worry about no fluid in my lungs so it isn't pnemonia. So he gave me some antibiotics and sent me on my way.

Well today the cough still persist. And I think there is still abit of a fever. At least I am up and around again. Time to go back to work today and see all those lovely germs again. Along with the ones I will be spreading as well.

I bet they won't want me there today. But I have to go back.

So I have complained enough here for now. Time to go cough all over the place someplace else. Just lovely.

Well winter has started early this year

We had snow here yesterday. Why does it have to get cold out. It just makes everything Hurt all the more.

I go to work and I come home. That is all I am doing right now. When I am at home I sit on the couch and try to get the kinks out. When I am at work I have to stand the whole time. When will it stop. I know I should be stretching or something but it is just too dang hard to do.

I know it isn't that bad yet, but it is starting to feel that way. It is going to be one long winter here I thinks.

The fibro is running across my back. The osteo is doing a number on my wrist, ankles, hips and back. The rynards is doing a number with my fingers so I am not able to punch in at work. The tips of my fingers all puffed up like I have been in the water for hours. So I don't have any finger print left. That is how we pinch in at work is with a finger print scan. I could become a thief.

I am also freezing all the time. Dang it is cold. I am putting on so many layers and still not getting warm. It feels like menopause has never hit me at all.

So now I have to take it day by day and hope for the best. Some days are okay and others are just terrible and if I am at work that day it is double bad.

You know Frankenstein would walk better then I would on some days.

I think it will soon be time to start renovating a house to make it disability proof for me. A better tub for bathing. With bars to help me back out. A better toilet so I am able to get back up when I sit down. The big thing will be the stairs and getting up and down there. Well will have to look into a chair lift of some kind. I made mention that I can slide down the bannister. And when I have to come back up with hubby putting a rope around me and pulling me up one step at a time. Just kidding.

Well here's to a long winter ahead. I hope a holiday in the warm weather comes very soon.

Oh great the rainy season is back

Well as I sit here on the couch waiting for supper to finish cooking I decide that it is time to write again.

Well what do I write about.

I could complain about the weather. Or maybe I could complain about how sore I am getting. Yeah the weather and the pain. They seem to go hand in hand. Wonderful.

The weather has come in again. Winter time rain, rain, rain. No more nice summer heat were I can move and not feel the pain that goes along with it.

Every year more and more seems to go wrong. Now going up the steps is getting to be a chore. I make a move to go up the steps and my knees say no way to that and I stop before I even try. I just can't make my legs make the move so I stand there and wait until I think it is time to move. Just great.

I am also feeling the fibro take effect for the year too. As I stand at work my back seems to tense up more and more. Then it starts moving down my back and into my legs. I just don't get a break from this at all.

Today my legs were cramping up as well. So to put it all together I am just starting my winter feeling like shit. It is going to be a long winter. Vacation were are you. Nice warm weather and sunshine please come my way.

Well at least I do not have the visit from my frogs yet. Just give it time though. As I start to have trouble sleeping then they will start to hit.

You know maybe if I would make the dogs sleep down at the end of the bed were they should be I could probably sleep a little better. I like their warmth. I am always liking for a warm snout sticking in my face. Or sometimes it is a warm butt sticking in my face. Mind you I love their heat but I just wish they would pick a better place to sleep then right in my face. Sometimes they move down a little. Especially when I start tossing and turning allot. They give me the look and then bugger off a little lower. One ends up laying in the curl of my tummy and the other one is behind my legs. There is a methods to my madness of sleeping with the dogs. I don't have my hubby sleeping close then. I like this madness you know.

The problem is when I have to hit the little girls room in the middle of the night. Two dogs in the way and not to get the look from them you have to scoot yourself out of bed by pulling yourself up out of the covers. Then raising one leg over one dog and the slipping the other leg out from around the other dog. This is a workout all in itself. Bathroom break and then back to bed. Reverse of what I just dod. Lift this leg over the other. Around the dog and slide the other leg around the other dog. Then scoot yourself back into bed. Cover up and hope you don't have to get out again. You don't want to have the look again.

I do love the dogs but they do have their ways that they like to go by.

So now that winter has started I have to start figuring out how I am going to stay the most non sore for the year. Drugs don't seem to do anything for me except make me loopy. Exercise does a little but it also make me sore. I could just chuck it all and lay on the couch all day. But that is just going to stiffen me up to no end. No win situation here. I don't like this one littl bit.

Well the frogs are back

Just as the weather changes so does my aches and pains. Great I now have to put up with all that goes along with the weather change .

I have spent the last few days feeling light headed. I walk into work feeling okay and then after about an hour of standing I start to feel dizzy. Yeah that's me dizzy blonde. Getting more and more all the time. I think the frogs are starting to show their ugly faces again. You know the ones. They show up and start taunting me with look what we can do to her now.

The other day I was at work and no matter what I did I seemed to run into a cupboard door or drop something. How did that get there? I just seemed so ditzy and could not comprehend what I should be doing. I agree ditzy blonde.

There is a new member of the group of frogs. This one is wrapped around my teeth. I try to speak and all that comes out is garbled none words. Got to waggle my lips and make horse sounds to get the right words out. What the heck is with that? I try to explain something to someone and my mind knows what to say but my mouth just can't get it to spit out. I think I will call him Gobaldy. Yeah that sounds good.

When I get on the intercom at work to make an announcement is really a chore for me. I have to keep to the basics, but there is that awed time when I have to say something and it just won't come out at all to what I really wanted to say. My gosh what am I getting myself into here. Well at least my words come through with my fingers here. So only whoever is reading this will know what I am talking about. Well at least that is what I think anyways.

You know the straight line you are suppose to walk. You know to get from point a to point b. well I kinda take detours to get there. I am heading to the kitchen to get something from the cupboard. Let's see first of all it takes forever to get there. That straight line doesn't seem to straight to me. Then when I get to the kitchen that one cupboard that has been sleeping for so long just jumps right out and bangs into my leg or hip. It is like a frog has it out for me now. Since it has been all summer since I have seem them. He has an elastic that will pull that cupboard out to see me. I have so many bruises on my legs from hitting that cupboard. It is like it just wants to jump out and get me every time. Then by the time I get to the kitchen I dang well forget what the heck I was going into the kitchen for. Ditzy here I come. So back on the long journey to the living room to sit down again just to oh yeah remember what the heck I went into the kitchen for.

I then finally get that all figured out and want to start on getting something out of the cupboard. Well there is another thing. Nothing seemed to be we're it should be. I reach for something and it just doesn't seem to be we're I am reaching for. Or I get my fingers on it and it moves a few inches over and then slips out of my hand, usually falling to the floor. It is a wonder I haven't broken anything yet. Well there will be a day and then I will have to clean up after these frogs.

All right how did that get here? I was just trying to type something here and all these other letters just popped out. I guess I must be hitting the letters but it looks like I am swearing here. Well just got rid of that mess. Were is that frog that just did that to me. Oh there he is scurrying under the couch. I am going to have to get the exterminator in to get rid of these pest.

The only thing is that they are the only company I have here once in while. They sure do keep me on my toes here. Then I fall over because my toes ditzy balance is all off and weighed down with stupid frogs.

I guess that is about it for the frogs today. They have made their point saying here I am again welcome back to la la land. Happy happy I don't think I am going to be but let's see we're it will lead in the next few months. Winter is upon me now and either the fibro or the arthritis is going to be hell this year. I guess it will never come what may and I am the one living it. Whopper!!!!

Well back to the blog again

It has been awhile here since I was on this blog. I know I am only on it when I want to complain about my aches and pains.

I guess today is no different. Well for now at least I think it is no different.

I just took a vacation. You know the one were you drive and drive and sit on your butt all day. Then get out for a while and check out the hot spots. Well mine was spent just a little bit different.

I spent it on the back of a motor bike. With all the problems I am having I did this. For almost two weeks. Legs stationary in one position riding behind my hubby while he managed the roads of Washington, Idaho, Wyoming, Montana, and South and North Dakota.

The weather was great. Didn't get any rain on our trip, but the weather was dang hot. Sun beating down on the back of your neck and hoping you don't get sunburnt.

Well I can say I had a good time and saw allot of places, but my legs and back are telling me a different story here. I was doing actually pretty good before we headed out. I thought that maybe I had found something that worked for me. Well it was working for a bit anyways, but as the days rolled on I started to get sorer and sorer with every time I had to get back on the bike.

More then enough times I had to get off and stretch a bit. They became more and more frequent as the days went on. I was starting to wiggle so much on the back that he had to pull off and ask what I was doing. Put a bit of a damper on the trip.

Well I did have a good time but my
legs are still telling me about sitting for so long. I started back to work again here yesterday. It wasn't easy to be standing all day in one place and serving customers. I can start getting pretty cranky when I hurt allot. Not good when you are suppose to smile all day and be happy. Geeez!!!

If you want to hear about my trip just check out my other blog of old Harley biker broad and other vacations. There are a few blogs on my trip on there.

Today another doc appointment. I have been poked and probed so many time. The thing is they keep saying I am doing good. Well maybe you should explain that to my body because it is telling me a different story here. I would really love to start thinking about the disability thing here as I have enough trouble with being at work all day. But they keep saying I am not ready for that yet. Well when do you think I will be ready when I am dead? Mind you there are some days when I feel pretty good by they are far and in between. With the arthritis and the sjogrens and the fibro I am always in some sort of pain. I am trying to keep it upbeat but just some days would be better to just crawl into bed and cover myself up and never come out. I know that doesn't accomplish anything and life has to go on. Just turn off the world and let me get off here and start over. If only for a little while.

Well
In the next few weeks I have to get back to the dentist and finish off what they started. A cleaning and one more cap to work on. At least it isn't much anymore. Hurray for that. Also check out some
Work he did at the front to get my teeth looking good. I think he made on e of my front teeth too long and they don't just feel right when I snap them together when I eat. So he is going to have to shave it down a little. It looks right now like I have beaver teeth on the front. At least my smile does look allot better. Took allot of money to fix it up. And will probably take allot more to keep it that way.

Today I am seeing an eye specialist. To check about my dry eyes and
Make sure that nothing is going wrong there. Dilating my eyes is no thrill either. You can't drive for a while. Makes for a very boring day afterwards.

Then Wednesday is off and hopefully will be able to do a woodworking and get on with some projects I have on the go. Then it is back to full fledged
work fun fun fun. I just hope I can stand this work thing for another couple of years and then maybe retiring and enjoying life to what I can do. Which is sounding more and more like I won't be doing too much of anything because the pain will just get to be too much for me. Well I am hoping I can survive this all and do what I can when I want. I don't want to end up being we're I can't doa dang thing.

Well that is enough whining for now I know you really don't want to listen to it anyways.

another dentist trip over with

Well hopefully this is just about done.  I am getting sick of sleeping all day and all the next day because of being drugged up to work on my teeth.  I have slept now for two days straight.  The drugs are finally wearing off and I am getting back to normal sleeping habits.

Well the front is done and the right side this time.  Last time it was the left side and front bottom..  Allot of drilling and such.  At least there was no root canal done on this side just fillings.  My two front teeth now look a heck of allot better but now I lisp a little.  See I even do it when I am typing.  So now I can say I have a whole new mouth.  Well that is just a bit of a saying.  My mouth is still the same old quiet don't say a word mouth.  Or the sometimes put her foot in it big time.  Or is that just me in general. I think it is just me in general.

Other then the dentist thing going on.  My alcer seems to be doing allot better.  I can now get my food down again with out having to chase it down with water.  That is a good thing.  I have also been feeling allot less pain here lately as well.. So the fibro is on the mend for now.  I know it will never completely go away but for now I am enjoying not having so much pain.  I am up and around and playing in the garage at the work bench.  Got a project done the other day that I have been working on little by little since last winter. So today i drew up a new project to work on.  Now if I can keep up the energy to kep=ep working on it.  I hate stating something and then it gets put on the back burner because I am not feeling well enough to do it. Well it could be the new herbal stuff I am taking.  Just have to wait and see next week whether it is a bad thing to be taking from the doc. She doesn't know I have changed a few things.  But hey if it is making me feel better I will try it and hope for the best.

 I still don't sleep to well.  There is allot of tossing and turning through the night.  Just to get dang comfortable in order to get some sleep.  But I do eventually get what I need.

The brain frogs have taken a trip as well.  I don't seem to be a confussed and out of it.  So that is a great thing as well.

I know I am talking about how I might be doing better.  I better not jinx it too badly or I might be in for a let down here and all the pain and brain fog and grumpyness will come back to haunt me again.  But I hope to keep this up as long as I can.  It just feels so dang good right now.  I want to go out and dance.  But that just may put me back again.  So no dancing for now.  Maybe just a little jig.

well back to the dentist again

Another big bucks visit to the dentist coming up here tomorrow.

Oh! such fun this will be.  I have to get the caps put on two of my teeth and then some more fillings done.  Doesn't this just sound like fun.. well at least I will be a sleep for it. I hate the visits to the dentist.  All that drilling sound going on and that crying and cringing. (OH that is just me sorry)  Yeah I hate the dentist.  I know they are suppose to make things better but when they drill your tounge when you are a kid it doesn't make you want to go back anytime soon.  Soo sleeping is a good thig through this.  It is just when you wake up half way through and they are still doing things in your mouth that you start to worry about it.  Yeah i woke up last time and the first thing I notice is my mouth is being held open and they are still drilling in there.  Stop the boat now I want to get offf!!  She told me that at one point on my last visit my blood pressure went up.  well when you wake up and start to notice things I think your blood pressure would go up.  Go figure!!

Well I will see what will become of tomorrow.  At least I will get a good nights sleep out of it.

You know I would have still had pretty good teeth until I got Sjogrens.  My mouth went dry and my mouth has never been the same.  My mouth gets yeast build up in it.  It needs water all the time.  I can't seem to talk half the time because it feels like there is marbles in my mouth.  And to top it all off i start getting cavities galour.  Wonderful.

I have tried a new regime here to help me out a little.  You know it is working for now.  I have more energy and I feel allot better. Pain killers are to a minimum. My aches and pains have decided to subside a little and life just seems to be doing allot better.  I still have to talk it over with my doc in a couple of weeks before I start to talk about it.  But for now I think part of my poblem has been my thyroid.  So what I am taking now seems to be helping out.  If it is my thyroid.  I seem to be lossing a little weight and I am doing better all around.  So I think it is time to get that checked out.  Now I am just hoping that what I am taking is not going to be dangerous to me in the long run.  I don't want to end up having cancer or something because I do the wrong thing.  well will just have to wait and see what she says.  I am reading in one sudy that it is good to take this and in another study that it may be harmful.  But for now feeling better in a good thing for me.  It means I can keep moving and doing the things I love.

So as you can see I am a little more happier now.  I am out working in my shop.   Work seems to be a little better for me and half the pain has gone south. my mood is allot better. Lovin it.  Hope it keeps up and the doc doesn't give me shit for trying to self medicate on herbal remedies.


 Well will see in two week before I head on a holiday.  Suppose to be getting on the back of a bike a touring around the States.  well will see how sore I feel after afew days of that.  You will hear about that  in my other blog when I get back.  Well wish me luck on that will you.

Well maybe there is a something at the end of the tunnel

I am trying a new regreem.  It consists of taking magneseum and iodine.  I started the magneseum a couple o weeks ago and started on an iodine supplement here yesterday.  So far so good.  I went down a few pounds and I am not feeling as sore and tired as I usually do. 

There was a few days in there but that was because I was working a couple of eight hour shifts and my hubby decided that I should do a little more exercise.  He took me on a walk that is longer then I usually walk.  By the time night rolled around and I was working, boy was I getting sore and stiff.  well it seems that after four days I am finally getting back to normal.  Well for what normal is for me.

Anyways I think that these two pills are working for me.  There are days but they are far and inbetween right now.  I am almost human again.  Mind you they may not be for everyone but for me they seem to be working just fine.  I haven't taken any pain killers in over a month now.  Well that is a lie.  I had a headache one day and had to take something before the migrain started.  I think this is pretty good for me.  For over the past year and half that was all I was taking and I was getting down in the dumps and the pain just kept getting worse and I just didn't feel like doing anything.

I have also cut down on some of the junk I have been ingesting as well.  Chocolate, which seemed to be a mainstay for me lately is down allot and also I use to drink a few bottles of the diet drink as well.  This is what was probaly taking away my magneseum.  The aspertaim.  But now I regulate what I am putting into my body.  yeah I still have some once in while but have cut back allot.  That could have been the cause of the migraine.  The lack of aspertaim in my system.  or the lack of pain killers I was taking and I was going into withdrawel.  Well as I say.  I do feel better. but there are days when I would still just love to crawl into bed and stay there.

So I'll give this another month before I head back to see the doc again.  tell her what I have been doing and then maybe she will give me shit or maybe she will not.  Don't know but what works for me is not doing me anymore harm then what I do when i take all those pain pills.

That just gave me an alcer.  Go figure.  well I seem to have that going pretty good too right now.  I can swallow again.  Food goes down without a tub of water.

so all around besides the few bad days I get once in while when I over do it.  I am doing great.  Hurray give myself a pat on the back.  Oh no that might hurt and flair up the fibramialgia.  Well I will take my chances.

Next month will tell.  Have another appointment with dentist to take care of the rest of my teeth and then the big bike ride for two weeks.  See how that goes.  Hubby is worried that we will get somewere and then I will have to take a plane home because I can't ride the bike anymore.  well just have to see how it goes.  I know this problem is along for the ride but I will give it my best shot and hope for the best.

Finally Sleepyness is gone

I 've been asleep or whoosy the past two days.  Not from being tired but from having some dental work done.

Oh gee that was a fun time.  I get in there at 8:30 in the morning and didn't get out of that chair until 5:30.

When I got there they put me into the chair.  Then covered me with a blanket.  Tucked me in nice and cosey,  Then gave me three pilles in a cub and two more mixed in with some orange juice. YUK!!! The next thing they did was layed me back so I was almost up side down.  Here is when first problem started.  My back just went into spasems.  I could feel my lower back and hips start to hurt and then between my shoulder blades really started joining in.  I have to move and wiggle and hopefully get into a comfortable position.  Well to now availe on that.  Then they ask are you getting sleepy yet.  NO I hurt too dang much.  So they went and got me a towel to see if that would ease the pain.  Not much better.  You know I could sit up for a minute or two until drugs take effect.  No to much risk of you falling over.  So I had to lay in that position.  Lovely.  So finnaly they thought of getting me massage pillow and warming it up.  Helped a little.  Took the tention off my neck and made my back feel a little better.

After a few minutes just don't remember anything until I started to awake around 3:30.  That is when I noticed that they were still drilling and such.  Oh heavens I hate that sound.  It just went on and on  and on.  I am fully awake now.  Oh please let me go back to sleep.  I think I may have dosed a little more but kept waking up to that dang awful drilling.  Finnally that stopped and they tried putting in the tempoary caps.  They got one in easily and the other one in easily but the third one Just wouldn't go were they wanted it to.  No snapping on without pushing into my gums.  Dang that hurt.  Just a few more minutes and we will get this right.  Yeah right this is my mouth you are playing with here.  So a little more carving off of the cap and try again.  Well it is in there now I still don't think it is right.  Hopefully when the new caps come in they will fit a little better.  So the work they did today was on my left side.  Top and bottom and bottom front.  You mean I have to do this again to do the other side?  OH come on!!!  Once is enough.

Finally it is 5:30 and I want to sit up.  No you can't do that.  You may be too unstable.  The problem is unstable or not I want to get my back were it is not hurting.  So whether they like it or not I say I am sitting up.  So two ladies stood there and made sure I didn't fall over.  Up okay but am very light headed.  Boy does that feel funny.  World is spinning but my back feels better.

My ride is finally here to pick me up.  Now they want me to pay.  Excuss me!  I can't even concintrate on standing up and walking and you want me to do an interact.  I said I will come tomorrow and pay when i am coherant.  Well at least they took that as an okay to leave.  Didn't even get to walk out of there.  A nice ride in a wheel chair.  Out and over the ramp and down  to the car.  Next thing.  Getting out of chair to get in car.  Head spinning the whole time.  Lovely ride home.  The world is going places and I am not.

Well I finally get home.  Aw no more ride in a wheel chair.  had to walk in the house. That was the longest walk of my life right there. So now having not eaten anything since the night before I had to try and eat something.  To get something in my stomach.  A little soup is all I could do.  Then I went and layed on the couch.  Oh world stop spinning.  I have had enough.  It is eight o clock and I am going to bed.

You know that is the best night sleep I have had in a long time.  Slept until 7 oclock the next day.  Still a little whoosey,  Now the problem is I have to face a day at work.  And a morning shift to boot.  Boy was that a long day.  Glad it wasn't busy were I was.  But kept myself busy so I wouldn't think about anymore sleep. Came home and did the best thing I thought possible.  I went back to bed again.  Woke up a couple of hours before any of the family got home and wanted supper.

Well that was the trying experince with the dentist.  I really don't like this desease as it is rotting my teeth.  I had pretty good teeth up until now.  Only a couple of cavities in 20 years.  Now I have to get a mouth full done and have them drilled down to were they have caps on them.  Should just pull them all out and then I don't have to do this again.  Yeah but then I have to deal with dentures or gumming everything.  Well that would be a way to loose some weight.  I can't eat I should be able to loose weight.  Or starve to death.

So now until next time.  Another appointment at the end of July.  At least I think that is when it will be.  Oh goody.  More sleep for me.  But they still have to look after the rest of my teeth.  I think I could livewith the cavities thank you.  Yeah I know rotten teeth do not look very good.  So I guess I have to go back.  To get new caps on and fill the rest of the holes that are forming on the other side.  Great.

well an update for now I know boring

Okay I had this all done in my head then now that I am sitting down at the computer it is all gone.  Another frog has come to visit.  So now what do I have to say.

Well I am feeling a little better as of right now.  The frogs have gone on a vacation but I know they will soon be back.  You know they sneak up on you and you start doing the strangest things you thought possible.  You run into things or maybe you get awfully forgetful or just plane act stupid for no reason at all.  well I do that all the time anyways.  I have explained in a previous blogg if you are looking for something else to read.

My body is telling me it is time to gain weight again... But why.  I liked the weight I was at.  would have like to loose some more but it seem not to be in the cards.  This past two months have brought ten pounds back to my waistline.  What is with that.  Now I have to figure out what has changed and start back fresh again.  I exercise every day.  I eat right which I haven't changed any of except maybe cutting out on diet pop.  I haven't had as much as what I was drinking.  This is probably one of the reasons I am feeling a little better. The aspertaim is going out of my system.  Well I am hoping that is why i am feeling better.  There are days were I would just love to stay in bed with the covers over my head but that isn't in the cards either.  Too much to do around this place and it mostly all has to be done by me..  Yep wine, wine , wine thats me  Get the cheese ready to go with it because this is going to be one big wine feast.

Work the other day.  That was just a day from hell.  I had to work an eight hour shift and to top it all off the debit machines go down.. Hum not just in our store but all the stores on the system.  Most of the mall was out.  And it had to happen on a Saturday.  One day when allot of people want to do their shopping.  Customers were not too happy.  Me working in customer service got an earfull from allot of people.  this being a grocery store as well.  made it a doubly hard day for things.  Customers decided to leave their groceries at ends of counters big buggies full.  Stuff they couldn't afford to buy because they only had ten dollars in their wallets.  So the place was turning into a mess. To top it all off  the customers cleaned out the bank machine at the front of the store as well.   No money there to be had anymore either.

So someone had to go around collect up all of these graceries and put them away.  Well I was one of them.  I filled buggy after buggy and put them away.  That was allot of exercise for me.  running around, bending over picking up graceries off the floor and under tills and putting them in a buggy.  Taking them to the front and then putting them in bins at the front in their proper place to be put away.  I haven't moved that much in a while.  Yeah I felt it afterwards.  My arms and back were just burning.  Sleep that nigfht wasn't much better.  and the next day at work I could feel every place that a joint and muscle hurt.  Some times I just couldn't reaaly want to move.

well I am almost back to normal today.    I can still feel the stiffness in my back.  And my hip when I want to sleep is just the pitts.  Hopefully this will subside here in a couple of days.  Not a fun few days I will say.

I will let you in on a little known fact that I just didn't take to heart.  You better look after your teeth while you are able to.  Once you get this syndrom there is no turning back.  I had great teeth.  I haven't had a cavity since I was a kid and you know never brushing my teeth you get cavities.  Then I had two wisdoms pulled and that was it for me.  I brushed regularly and took care to see that that never happened again..  Well I spent 20 years with no problems after that.  Now all of a sudden I am back to the dentist and well here comes three root cannals and a bunch of fillings to be done.  This is going to cost me a fortune.  My teeth are going rotten as I speak.  here is another what is up with that.!!!  well at least I get to sleep throuhg the process.  It is all because of having no saliva in my mouth anymore.  So there is no way to fight off the decay and bacteria.  Lovely!!!  I got a new tooth paste that has more umpff in it.  Hopefully it will help out a bit.  My sleep tiome is next week so will let you know how that goes after I am done with it.  Can you say sore mouth all around.  I am not happy with this at all.

as i said before am feelong a little better.  I am not on any pain pills anymore.  I read in a book that if you take magnesium it will help with the joints and muscle.  And since I have oseto arthritis and Fribamialgia on top of that. I decided to give it a try.  You know for now it seems to be working.  I haven't had any pain pills in a couple of weeks.  My stamia is a little better  and the frogs have gone away.  Well they do come back on occasion, but only for short visits.  I do feel sore once in while but it is only a few twinges here and there..  My trouble right now is trying to get a good night sleep.  I wake up more times then not and getting to stay in bed first thing in the morning would be lovely as well.  But not going to happen anytime soon.  I just can't sleep anymore.  So up I get.  Tired and sleepy and get on with my day.  At least I can say i have gotten rid of some of the cemicals in my body and am working with natural stuff instead.

I have made an accomplishnet today. We have a hill that is fairly steep just over two raods from were I live.  Well I walked up it today without stopping.  When I was well I use to walk up it every day for exercise.  well I was not able to do it anymore without having to stop part way up and couple of times.  Today I did it all in one stride.  No stopping.  so proud of myself.  So now I will have to keep it up and do it a couple times a week.  With all the aches and pains and stiffness I couldn't do that anymore.  Now I can do it.  for hopw long I don't know but I know I can do it when i am feeling at a peak.  Good going Brenda  keep up the good work.  There is also a set of steps down the way a bit.  I guess it is time to tackle them again. I can do them but have to stop half way up.  So now that I am feeliing up to it I should try the whole flight again.  There is 70 steps to this flight to get up to other level of road.  So now tomorrow morning I will try them with out stopping.  Just hope I am not overdoing it while I am up to it.  Don't want to be flat on my back again suffering in pain. Well I wil see what tomorrow brings.

Anyway.  I better stop here and get on with the rest of my day.  Work lovely work is calling.

well another day another pile of (well you know)

Well I started a blog number three today.  gee what else have I got to do with my time.  Should be cleaning house,  Maybe working in the garage to finish some projects.  Maybe should be getting enough sleep.  I was up awful early this morning.  5 oclock to be exact.  What the heck is with that.

You know I am actually feeling a little better right now.  Stange but true.  I can move around without the moans and groans that usually accompany me.  Unless I think about what is going to be happening in the future.

They say now my stomach has turned to mush.  I have an ulcer and have to have it treated.  I shouldn't eat this I shouldn't eat that.  What fun is that.  I love chocolate and I really like to have a diet pop once in while.  Thay say it it not good for your tummy.

Okay so now they have me on a no win situation.  I have to take the pain killers in order to stop the pain.  But now I can't take the pain killer because it is eating away at the inside of my stomach.  I cal this a no win situation.

The other thing is in the next two weeks I have to go and have three root canals done.  Ouchie.  This is because there is no moisture in my mouth in order to keep the bateria down.  Great.I am really looking forward to that.  Sarcasm really intended there.  You know all my life I have never had problems with my teeth and now I am coming up with all sorts of problems.  Well thats a little lie there.  When I was a kid never brushed my teeth and always had to get cavities filled.  Then I learned and did the brushing.  Didn't stop me from having my wisdom taken away though.  Yeah l lost all four of them.  But other then that no real problems for 20 years and then this.  My whole mouth is going down the drain.  Literally.

Well that would include the rest of my body as well.  Doc told me the other day that I have Fribromyagia.  Yeah something else to add to the list.  Lets see  Start with Sjogrens syndrom.  Then ad in osteo arthritis.  then she comes up with rynards and dry mouth syndrom.  Tintinitus I have for year. I am having trouble in the pooh area now and figure it is probably irratable bowel syndrom  and then there is a little gout thrown in and now I have an ulcer.  Yeah  Isn't life just great.

well I did my whining for the day and will sign off for now.  Have been on compyuter most of the morning so time to find something else to do

I should be working on things But just don't have the Heart to do it lately

Yeah I am feeling down again.  I have tried to think about The funny things,
but they just don't seem to want to come at this time.

I was to a meeting the other day ( a support group) and all the ladies and
 one gent talked  about the downs and out of Arthritis.  Then one lady got up
 and said I live my life and arthriis is just along for my ride.

I think that is well said. So I started thinking  I am going to live my own life.
To HELL WITH THE ARTHRITIS!!!  I hurt some days and it takes away
from me in some ways but in others it gives me more insight into what I
should be doing.  I still don't know what i should be doing But I am trying to
figure that out.  My hubby and I have different ideas on the subject.  He
says just keep doing what you are doing.  The problem is if I keep doing
what i am doing i just hurt all the more and then am layed up for a few days.

So I started to pace myself and keep doing what i am doing but do it at a
slower pace and take some time over days to get it done seems to work
allot better for me.  Only problem is By the time I get that task done
I have to start all over again and start it all over.  I never get anytime to really
relax.

I should be down in the garage working on some woodworking project that
I know I have to finish here sometime or rather.  So I can try to sell it at some
farmers market sale.  Then there is the house work I should be doing around the house.
Not getting done either.  Well I did get the kitchen cleaned the other day
just to get told that I missed a spot or two on the counter..  The laundry got done. 
Hurray for that. Then it is back to work for another week were nothing will get 
done around the house.  This is non winning battle here and have no help at all.

If I do get a day were I putter in the garage.  Hubby wants to go do something
else.  he has asked me the past two days if I have stained his board yet. 
so he can get it put in a window and support the air conditioner..  I don't have
time to go down to the garage and do my own thing and he expects me to go down
to the garage and get his board stained up.  You know he could do it himself but
I don't think he ever will. unless he gets sick and tired of the idea that i am never
'going to get around to it because I am just so lazy that he has to break
down and do it himself.

I guess the biggest thing is I am a little run down right now.  I just got back from Ontario
were I attened a funeral for my borther in  law.  He was only 48.  Makes a few
 things come into prospective here. and is also depressing me right now.  You
ain't going to live forever.  so why even try sometimes.  That keeps going
 through my brain right now.

 I am also experincing some setbacks of my own..  I am having trouble either
with my teeth or in my glands in my neck.  I am having swelling that is causing
my teeth to just hurt so dang bad sometimes and others not to bad.
 I just got my third bladder infesction in the past eight months.  So am
 feeling kinda out of it with being on atibiotics and such.

In two weeks time I have to go to the dentist and make sure it is not my teeth
that are causing some of the discomfort.  Iknow they will have to be pulled
as i have now cavities around the gum line and I also have a couple of
 broken teeth.  One sideline of haveing Sjrogrens.  The dry mouth factor.
So teeth being pulled out and dentures in their place.  Lovely.  That is going
to be a process and an expence as well.  i don't look forward to this at all.

It will also take away from me being at work as much.  I don't get paid
when I don't work.  There is another set back.  No money can't pay
the bills. Yeah!  So more behind I will get,.  Brother.!!

Okay so I have been down enough.

Oh by the way.  You like my new picture at the top.  It is the way
I feel that I look sometimes.  That will be the two of us on the beach when
we head on our next holiday.  Cute couple hey?

Help my brain is turning to frog

Yeah that's what I mean.  It is turning to frog.

You know those big green frogs that live in your brain or the little ones on your shoulder and go ribit stick out their tounge like they are catching flies and grab any sense you have left. THWAK!

Some people call it brain fog. Well! I call it brain frog.  I know I have the sense, but sometimes it just elludes me.

Like the other day at work.  I sell cigerettes and do returns.  Well this customer wanted some Peter Jackson cigs and I promptly went to the cupboard that had Canadian in them grabbed one for him and sold it to him.  He looked at me like I was nuts.  Said that isn't peter jackson and I adamently looked at him and at the package and said yeah that is peter jackson.  It is just the new packageing.  So he looked at me again kinda strange.  So I looked at the package again and low and behold it was canadian and not peter jackson.  Appoligised up and down got him the right ones  Stupid! stupid! me.  That was a big green frog that just stuck out his tounge and lapped up everything that went along with this.  RIBIT! RIBIT! THWAK!

Another incident I had with a customer was I had to get a name and number from a customer to put in our computer to fill out info on a return.  All was going along great. Got her last name into the computer and when I asked for her first initial she said WHY.  Well I had said back because I have to put this info in my computer.  Again she says Why.  This goes on for a couple of minutes and then I clue in she is saying Y not Why and what a dumbass I am for that.  RIBIT! RIBIT! THWAK!  You know the comedy act of Abbot and Costelloo were who is on first and what is on second.  Well thats what it sounded like.  I haven't been left off the hook for that one yet.  A another person was working with me at the time and watched the whole thing.  She does keep reminding of it every now and then.

You know there are other times when I just can't remember how to get onto the computer.  I do it everyday, but sometimes you just look at the thing and say..OKAY now what.  I have numbers to put in there and they just don't want to come to me.  Well give me a minute. Oh good the phone is ringing I can answer this while I figure out what else the hell I should be doing.  Good morning Please tell me how I can help you.  I lost all my sense here and want to get them back before I go nutty all together.   Oh sorry thank you for calling  How can I help you..  Yes this is the store you are looking for.  I'm just lost my sense of reality for a minute here.  RIBIT! RIBIT! THWAK!

Sometimes at home I'm sure the walls move in this place. How many times has a wall reached out and grabbed me or given me a big bruise on my hand because it wasn't in that place yesterday.  I'm sure it was two feet over from were it was yesterday.  But low and behold I run into it again today.  Dang does that hurt.  And I still haven't learned.  Those little green frogs I think have something to do with it.  They will lean on your shoulders and make you walk a little sideways and closer to something so you walk into it.  They have such long tounges and can grab onto anything and pull it over closer to you so you hit it on the way by.  Well it certainly can't be me.  I walk perfectly straight you know.  I don't need a cane yet.  I'm too young to be using a cane.  Well that's what I say but those green frogs could be right you know.

You are walking along and it takes longer and longer to get from one room to the other. Just because the walls are moving and you can't get there in a straight line. You are so frogged up that you are heading for one room and end up someplace totally different and don't even know why you should be there.  So turn around retrace your steps to figure out what the hell you do need and it still doesn't come to you.  So the easiest thing to do is go sit down somewere and worry youself to death that you just might be going crazy afterall.  Well I know I am a little crazy but this much I don't know about that.

I would just love to crawl under the covers and never come out again.  Life doesn't give me that option though.  I know I have to keep moving and such but WHY!  I like it here under the covers were no one can see me and I am not bothered by frogs.

I know you may have a different opinion of how crazy I am.

I still function great but there is just sometimes were I am frogged down.  I think that is when that frog eats too much.  My brain just seems to go to mush.  I can sit somewere and just seem to go off into la la land.  My hubbie looks at me but I don't really see him.. Just staring straight ahead and not doing a dang thing.  He talkes to me and I don't hear a dang thing.  Well he calls it selective hearing. (yeah me too but I'm not going to admit it) For some reason I am just focussed on something on the other wall.  Maybe the frog is doing a strip tease over there.  I don't know but it is sure facinaing to me.

Well I guess it is time to get ready for work again.  Fun stuff you know.  See what trouble me and my frogs can get into tonight.

RIBIT! RIBIT THWAK! THWAK!

no more whining they say, So lets see what I can come up with instead.

Well I decided that it is time to stop the whining and get on with my life.

Well easier said then done.  I took the arthritis self help program here this past few weeks.  Gave me a little insight and now I have to be able to put it into practice.

Well the first one is relaxation.  Not an easy thing to do.  Sit for a while and meditate.  Okay.  I  find a confortable position and close my eyes.  Usually laying on the floor on a mat.  Listen to some relaxing music and go into a daze.  Stiffen every muscle on my body and then let it loosen to feel the tention go out of my body.  and remember to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.  Letting all the bad out.  It does feel pretty good but when I open my eyes again I see two sets of brown eyes staring at me wondering if I am okay.Then the slobbering starts. Then they want to play.  You know how many toys are scattered around me. So you got to throw all of them at least once.

These are my dogs.  Rocky and Boots.  Both playful little things that just love to be near you all the time.  You sit in a chair at the computer.  They are under your feet.  You go to the kitchen and they are right there to make sure you don't drop anything on the floor.  I hope they just follow because they love me.  Then you head to the livingroom to sit and watch some tv.  There they are again right on your lap enjoying having a belly scratch or just to stare at you intently.  I love these two.  They are the best I can have for love without any boundries.

Bed at night.  This is a workout in itself.  Especially if you have two dogs that just love to sleep close.  First I have to get into a position were I am comfortable.  You know the pretzel i have to trun into so that there is minor aches and pains. One leg straight down while I am laying on my side.  The other leg bent out to the side and bent at the knee.  This make an h shape for me.  Then I have to be half turned at the waist so that my back isn't bothering me so I am almost on my back and shoulder doesn't hurt too much.  Then my arms stretched out in front of me.  Sometimes they are under my head.  Either way they both fall asleep before I get to sleep.  Now the dogs get involved.  They sleep with me as well.  I know, I know,  Shouldn't sleep with your dogs.  They should have their own place to sleep.  But i like the warmth of them.  So anyways.  One sleep between my leg and the other takes up residence in front of my belly.  Part way through the night it is time to make a bathroom trip.  So now I have toget out of the pretzel position and around the dogs.  You know you can't distube the dogs at night  So you slowly pull one leg away from between the dogs and put them bothe together.  Then you slide onto your backl and pull youself up to the top of the bed, lift your legs over the dogs and slide out of bed.  Stmble to the bathroom because you forgot to bring your cane into the bedroom to use at night when your legs are stiff.  Then stumble back to the bed and sit on your pillow.  Roll you legs back over the first dog.  Slide down into the bed and then move back into prtzel position.  Sliding one leg into front of one dog and sliding other leg behind the dog.  You know they don't even move a little bit,  Jut kinda look at you like what are you doing then go back to sleep.  And my thinking still being do not disturb the dogs or your hubby for that fact just to go to the bathroom.

Well heres another thing I am suppose to do.  Exercise.  Keeps the body moving.   Okay. first I would really just love not to move, but that is not an option, or I would stiffen up even more.  So trying to do some stretching.  Yeah on the floor.  A little yoga into the action.  Put the mat on the floor and guess what a dog moves into it.  Layes right down in the center of my mat.  I shoo him away than the other one thinks it is time to get into the action.  I am part way through a stretch of a dog position.  You know were you are on you feet and leaning forward to have your hands on the floor.  you look back at your feet and there is a dog sitting in the middle of the mat looking at you like are you okay or what.  Then he decides it is time to lik my face.  What a way to throw you off balance.  Another time I am laying on my back and you know that is time to play.  Arm stretching out and a dog grabs for it.  Figures I should have a toy to throw.  So you get rid of the toy and back it comes again.  So much for stretching. Its play time instead.  So you move off the mat to paly with the toy with them and they prompbly move onto the mat and lay down.  Curl up together and Look at me like WHAT were you thinking.

I guess I am only human.  But if I could be more like a dog I could get away with allot more then what I get away with now

well what will I whine about today

Gaul! the last few days have been hell.

I am having pain were I have never had pain before.  Am I doing too much or is it just the weather?  who knows as of now.  I think things are just picking up a speed here.

The last couple of days i have had a sore throat.  Figured okay here comes another cold.  But it did not erupted into one  Instead My throat is still reaaly sore and now my tounge is starting to join the act.  Along with it hurting into my ear area.  Maybe I am having trouble with one of my glands.  Great.  I was just to the doc and now have to go back because of this.  My tounge feels like it is being bitten all the time and swallowing is just the pits.   Food just doesn't want to be swollowed without scratching all the way down.  So now what is it  I don't know.  I had it before but it went away after a couple of days.  This time it seems to be hanging around a little longer.  There might be a little swelling there on the right side of my neck as well.

Sleeping the past few nights has been a challenge as well.  Tiose and turn, toss and turn.  I think I run a marathon every night just rolling back and forth.  trying to get confortable.  I many times through the night hit my hubby sometime or rather.  He isn't liking it very much either.  It means niether of us is getting any sleep.  I just get to were it is okay and then another part of me starts to hurt.

I went out to the garage yesterday and started working on a cane for my self.  I do a little woodworking to keep me busy.  I love the smell of sawdust.  But my nostrils don't.  They start to plug up when I am out there.  But it is fun to make something out of a piece of wood.  My lastest hobbie. Well anyways.  the cane will beput to good use if I keep walking the way I do.  Instead of making a straight line course to some direction.  I end up kinda zigzagging it to were I want to go.  It takes a dame long time to get someplace.  Then when i want to walk around a corner I seem to make wide turns.  It is very frustrating to not be able to do something that you could do before with such ease.

I don't have any trouble making it up stairs.  Just a little slower but can still manage them with out much pain.  There is the awed day that i might now want to get up off the ciouch but I still push myself to do that.

I still think that being on disability in the future is what will happen to me.  Some days I am real good and no trouble at all and others i just want to chuck it all an sit down for the day.  But the dogs still need waklked and the house work still needs done and I still have to go to work every day.  what will happen when i hit the time for disability?  I hope I can keep up and be active some were.  If I am not going to work  whet the heck do I do then.  I have to still be able to bring in money somewere to pay the bills.  I am in my 50's and have a llot of living left in me.  I don't want to fill up the house with aweds and ends of my wood working with out anyplace to get rid of it.  it just collects dust around here.  Oh anyone interested in seeing my woodworking I have another  blog called Morningsong creations.  Take a look if you wish.

Right now I am working on a cane for myself and a picture of some horses I hope to sell at the Farmers market I attend once in while.

Oh also this month I have joined a course.  It is the arthritis self help workshop.  Hopefully it will help me out a little.  All everyone says now is oh you have arthritis I guess get over with it and and live with it.  Well somedays that is eaasier said then done.  So now I go to the help group once a month and now I am taking this course.  They give you suggestions and such to cope with the pain.  Last week they made you set a goul for the week and try to keep it for the week.  My goul was to make it four times up a set of stairs out behind our place.  It is 3 flights up to the next level of roadway.  Yesterday I made it up one flight before I had to stop. today I did two flights and a little bit.  I have two more times to try this week with out Hubbie walking with me.  He pushes and I don't need the pushing.  It just wants to make me push back.  So just two more times to do this before I am walking with him again for a few days.  I can do the whole three flights I know I can.  I tried counting bacwards today which was one of the suggestions at the group and you know it worked to get me a little further then I usually do.  So that made me happy.

Well I guess enough whining for now.  Time to get on with my day.

well more GREAT news. NOT!!!!

Was to the doc the other day.

Well she said CT scan results back.  Four of my back bones are inflaired and my hip is inflaired.  Sounds scary.  Does that mean I will be getting worse and not being able to walk sooner or late? 

I can feel the pain all up and down my back.  Sometimes nights are just unbearable to sleep.  I feel the pain run from my lower back down my right leg and into my foot.  It got so bad last night I had to get up move around a little then take some more pain meds and lie down again.  Finally went to sleep about 2 o clock.  Lucky me.

Work yesterday was the pits as well.  I was standing there most of the day and all I could think about was how I could stand to keep my back from bothering me.  The customers didn't get my best foot forward yesterday.

Last night I went to the arthritis support group they have in Abbostford.  Left work a half hour early to make it on time.  They usually have some thing to bring my mind out of its minset of being in pain.  Had a guest speaker last night on arthritis  101.  Just gave a little back round on what may be going on and how to maybe cope with it.  Well somedays I just don't want to cope.  Just want to stay in bed and forget about the day.

Next week is the start of a self management seminar going on in Mission.  Hopefully it will do some good for me.  I'll let you know next week how the first session went.  Allot of people say it is good.

Last night the thing that was said is eating right and keep moving. Well I try that.  I do a walk each day with my dogs.  Try to do a little stretching and maybe a little weight,  but this thing called work seems to get in the way.  Along with looking after family and making meals and cleaning house and laundry.. Al  that fun stuff that takes up a day.  When is there time for me.  I know right now when I am on the internet saying I don't have enough time. HA!

Well another came across to me he that I found out on the internet.  Is there is a Canadian tax credit for disabilty.  I have a disabily, but am I that far along that I would be excepted for it.  It would be nice to be able to get more money back then spend out.  Also be able to get a credit for having to do renovations on house to make life easier for me.  I guess when I see doc in May I will have to ask her if I would be eligable.  I also want to get were I am off work too.  But I think that will be a year or two down the road yet befor ei will be able to get on disabilty and not have to endure work any more.  It would be nice if I could have a stool to lean on at work.  It would make it a little easier on  my back if I could. 

Well I guess that is wishful thinking that the company would think of an employee instead of the almighty dollar.

Not too much else to whine about today.  Work is going to be calling me here in a little while and I have to go to VW dealer to get a headlight changed.  More money to go out on that.  Great.

another day stuck inside

Well I have spent the last couple days around the house.  Only because I can't get out of my driveway.  The snow came in like a flurry.  I shoveled yesterday three times in order to keep the driveway down.  every time it was knee deep.  Nice soft fluffy stuff but just allot of it.  I know, I know,  it wiol be gone in a couple of days again.  But for now It is here and has to be taken care of.  So that other cars can get back in the driveway.  I am soo glad I didn't have to go to work on these days.  Would a been a terrible thing to go out in that with my little bug.  Sliding all over the place just because under neath is pure ice. 

Well anyways that has been my exercise for the past couple of days.  Shovelling the driveway and slipping on the ice under neath taking the dogs for a walk.  Boy do I hurt now.  Snow, snow go away I don't like you anyway.

I right now can feel muscles I haven't used in a while and sleeping at night is even worse because I used that shovel.  Ribs and hips are telling me about it.

I keep trying to find info on sjogrens on the internet and all it tells me is dry eyes and mouth.  Maybe a secondary of arthritis.  Well gee that is allot of help.  I would like to know what to expect and how to deal with it.  I know I have the aches and pains but am I going to get worse with the aches and pains.  Is my mouth going to dry up all together so i can't swallow at all.  Right now is just sometimes a chore with that.  Only with certain foods.  So they are food I like and I can't seem to eat them anymore.

But you know for all the foods I have cut out or am eating only a few bites of I am not loosing any weight.  I do go up and down like a yo, yo. One week I will be down 10 pounds then the next week up 5 pounds then the next week up again only to go down the week after.  What the heck is with that.  I don't change any of my diet it just happens.  Before I was diagnoised I had lost 30 pounds not doing anything differnt.  Now I am up 10 of those pounds and am yo, yoing now.  I would like something constant.  And is this part of the sickness or am I just stressed out more some times then others.  I notice that more weight comes off when I am hurting more.  Which is dang strange becuse that is when I sit around allot more because moving hurts too much.  I do get up and try to do my workout but I only do parts of it because moving is just too much for me.  But when I am feeling better the weight comes back on and I am exercising a little more and doing a little more.  make sense of that.

I have also notices d that my nails are always chipping off and are rigity now and the skin around them is cracking and feeling like they are getting infected.  The back of my fingers always look like they are prunny.  You know like when you have been in the water too long.  Could this be something else altogether.  i read about rhynaurd but I don't know if that fits or not.  Today fingers feel a little swollen, but that could be from the cold outside to day and shoveling.

I know when i satnd at work I fell like my toes are tingleing and feeling like they are going to sleep.  So I have to wiggle them around and stand on the leg that hurts all the time.  So I just could be compinsating to releave pressure on the hurting leg, which is causing trouble for the better leg..

I know just guessing.  I tell the doc about this and she sends me for more test.  Well will find out in two weeks whether the ct scan show anything or not.  I had that done a month ago.  Plus all the blood tests she has me do every three months.  Well what will be next.  I have a heart test coming up in a couple of months Hopefully that doesn't show anything too bad.  I know I have a heart murmer but hope there is nothig to serious along with that.  I don't need to be worring about anything else right now.

I know I get on here and just babble.  Well this is the way I get things out.  No real context just some everyday babble.  SO you get a little here and a little there.  So I guess live with it. 

More to wine about next time I am on.  I know You aren't looking forward to that any better then what you are looking forward to reading this.  So I say read or don't read.  I just need a place to wine at.

exercise, exercise, exercise

Well I started a regiment yesterday.  Yeah I know, news year resolution and all that.  I don't think so.  I hope to keep up with it anyways.

I have always walked the dogs in the morning.  Use to walk them at least 4 times a day.  Now it is only once first thing in the morning.  I am reaaly giving them the short end of the stick here. the walking just got too hard for me.  My hubby would come along on some of them and he waould say okay lets go this ways or lets go that way and we would end up being out on such a long walk I never got anything else done.  Then I would get so sore I just couldn't do anymore  and he would still want to get out and do another walk.  Hobble, hobble would be me.  So now I only do one walk in the morning.  Then there is work on top of that I have to go to every day.  When do I get time for me.  I would really love it.

Well anyways back to the exercise I am doing now.  I know it isn't much but you know every little bit helps.
We have a tread mill here and a rowing machine.  I had used them before but to out on endurance and see how long I could do it when I was in better shape.  Now out of shape and battleing soreness and fatigue I am doing 15 minutes on the tread mill and 15 minutes on the rowing machine.  Plus lifting light weights afterwards.  Hopefully this will not wear me out too much so I can get through the rest of the day.  Plus the walk first thing in the morning for the dogs.  Then off to work and standing all day. 

I can feel it in my hips the most right now. The pain starts in my lower back and radiates down my hip to my toe.  Now I figure I am compisating for the pain in one side and so the toes on my other leg start to fall asleep.  This mostly happens at work just from standing all day.  By the end of the day I am just bushed.  The to have to come home a listen to whats for supper or we have to go out annd get groceries as we don't have food in the house.  All I really want to do is come home and sit on the couch and relax for a few minutes, but no have to do more work.

Then there is the sleeping part.  I get to bed and then I have a confortable spot for at least 5 minutes.  The then pain starts so have to rotate.  Try again and then again have tery nighto rotate.  I think I do a fews miles every night  just rotating around.  Not much sleep going on but allot of movement.  I think it is pressure points on my hips and shoulders and when i lay on them too long the radiating pains starts.  So have to relieve that pressure point and lay on another one.  I do get some sleep eventually but I think that is just from pure exaustion.

Today  I can feel it in my neck and back.  It is just a nagging pain right now but I know as the day progresses It will get stronger.  It is like a t on my back.  Across the shoulders and down my back.  I have a lower right rib that gives me a little trouble, but the most of the trouble is from the lower back and down my right leg to the foot.  Mobilty is still there but sometime my balance is gone and I walk sideways bumping into things.  I side check ed my hubby the other day in the parking lot at Safeway.  He didn't know what to think of that.  And just told me to walk straight.  Sometimes that just isn't possible.  I made myself a cane a couple of days ago so I have some thing for balance when i know I may be having troubles.  Now I just have to use.

The biggest thing is the dry eyes mouth and nose.  Plus another area I don't think anyone wants to hear about.  If you do have dry mouth you should watch out for yeast biuldup in your mouth.  it starts to make your tougne sore and cracked and food just tastes awful.  It realy get hard to swallow things as well.  I had a big buildup and didn't know what was wrong.  Doc said yeast and gave me some liquid to get rid of some of it.  It didn't get rid of it all but helped to make it so I could eat again with out too much discomfort.  Now I brush my teeth and brush the inside of my mouth and my tougne as well.  Hoepfully to keep the yeast down.  My mouth is just sio dry.  Am drinking water all day long and chewing gum at work.  My nose is another story.  Always plugged up.  Very dry inside and feels like I have to blow it.  Nothing comes out.  I have gotten something that works for my eyes.  So now they don't feel so dirty all the time.  Just put in a few drops in morning and seem to be good for the day.

I know talking about my self always.  Well I just getting started.  I will be talking about were I am hurting what I am trying to do to help it and such.  So I know boring.  But I am hoping it is helping me in the meantime.  And maybe someone out there who is going through the same type of thing.  Next time I am on.  I will tell you how this all progressed.  it has benn about ten years in the making to get to a point were they know what was wrong with me.  the docs are still doing tests but the main one is sjrogrens and we will see what else is wrong with me in secondary after all the tests are done.  Still doing those.

Well time to head to work

another week and still not just right

I had four days off at beginning of week.  Did wonders for me and I just got to sit around and read a book one day.  Well that all came to a crashing halt.  Time to go back to work after the Christmas holidays.  I had to start off with three 8 hour shifts in a row.  Boy did that do me in.

The first day was okay.  You see I work at customer service.  have been doing this for 11 years now.  Brother what a job.  ever complaint that ciomes to the store goes to customer service..  I think it is time for a new job.  fat chance of me ever finding something though.  When you are sick in some way and over the hill (sortof) people don't want to take a chance on you.  So I guess I am stuck were I am.  Well right now is not a great time to work there.  Christmas and all.  Return, return, return,  That is what it is all about.  Then there are the people wha want to get a price adjustment because every thing has gone on sale.  Then on top of that the people who still want to buy their cigarettes and then there are the people who want to bring back their dirty bottle to get their return on them.  The line up is just so long and they just keep coming.  Stress running out the window on me and you don't get to sit down on the job.  No stool for you or get your breaks when you need them. I am tired and grumpy and just want to go home and sit down and unwind.  But when you get home you get a hubby who asked whats for supper.  So then you have to start working on supper and miss watching tv shows you wanted to see or just sitting down for a few minutes..  Stress, stress , stress. Well now you know what my life is.  Same thing everyday.  Come home from work and hubby wantsyou to do more.  Then he tells me that he has no sympathy for me when I start complaining about how tired and grumpy and sore I am.  I am still suppose to be wonder women in this house and i don't want to be anymore.  He has more days off then I do and he doesn't lift a finger to do much of anything except in the summer when he mows the lawn or maybe cleans the gutter.  But this year he got someone else to come in and do that as well.

Okay enough of the complaining about my home and work life.  Now to start compaining about my body.  three days ago it started out with my right leg doing its thing in bed again.  Every way I turned I could not get confortable.  I ytossed and turned all night.  kept hubby awake as well it seemed.  The dog even moved down to the other end of the bed.  Didn't like me rolling around.  The next day at work.  My back started to kick in with its aches and pains.  I was starting to get pretty stiff.  I really just wanted to lay down someplace. Made it through the second eight hour shift though.  I hate taking off early cause it leave the rest of the staff in a bind.  Now comes the third day.  I conked out the night before as I was so tired.  In bed at 8:30 and up next day to face the world again.  Work went a little better but by the time I got home I just wanted it to all stop.  I couldn't walk straight and every place on my body just screamed at me.  You know I get home and hubnby says we have to go for groceries.  Great.  Working in a grocery store and then I have to go back and walk around a grocery store.  Well at least we ate at A and W beofre we went to groceries.  I didn't have to cook.  Then we walked every isle looking at everything.  Hubby just walked and walked and walked.  Then had to unload all these groceries.  Such a fun life.  That was my three days of 8 hour shfts.  Two days off comeing.  Well fat chance of any time off.  House cleaning and dog washing laundry.  The work calls and want me to do a night shift.  Well I was feeling okay so said okay.  Stupit thing to do.  Should have just stayed home, well at least it wasn't busy in there. I think a hockey game was on so no one was in the store they were all at home for a change.  I did feel pretty good.  That is until I got into the parking lot then the spasems started again..  I hurt I hurt I hurt.  It has to be the store that does allot of this, because i was feeling okay until I hit the parking lot then it all started coming back again.  Don't get me wrong i did have the aches and pains before I got there but then they seemed to intensify as I got closer to the store.  I think I need a new job.

Anyways last night.  I had trouble standing there all night.  My back was killing me.  When my back gives my trouble then the rest of me just wants to follow.  I have a right leg that wants to go out on me.  The sharp pain that runs down my leg, it goes from the center of my back and runs down my right leg and now the same is starting to happen to my left leg. Last night the store must have been extra dry.  My nose was plugged all night and my eyes were just burning.  I couldn't seem to get enough water and when I chewed gum to keep some moisture there the gun just tasted awful.   My break I had some strawberries to tie me over and they would not go down.  My throat kept trying to stop them from going down.  I finally got to eat them.  But it was a slow process.

With all this aches and pains you think the Dr would figure out what else is ailing me beside Sjrogrens.  She says arthritis.  Only what kind.  I am starting to figure that maybe it might be a touch of fibramiagia.  The pain is not in the same place twice.  Seems to move around allot.  I can never know where I am going to be struck next.  The only constant right now is my back and right hip.  Could just be a siotic nerve causing that.  But you think that would have been picked up by now..  I am also starting to have cautic bowel stystem .  One day it will be pugged up so bad and can't get noting to go through but it feels like I have too and a couple of days later I have to go and soo much comes that I plug up the toilet.  Or there is the diariea I have to deal with as well.

It took many years to figure out what was ailing me.  I starting to get different infections.  And started to catch allot of colds.  I had never been sick much in my life and now I am having one problem after another nagging at me.  The doc did and arthritis test and finally came up with that.  So got me in with a rhuemetoligist.  That took 10 months to see here. The first thing she says is I have Sjrogrens.  We3ll I figured that out on my own by going on the internet she just confirmed it.  But there is more lurking in the backround now that has to figured out.  I hope she gets to the bottom of it soon.  I want to know what is going on with my body so I can keep going and do the right thing for it. Right now just gets worse and worse every day and I don't know what to do about it.  I keep working and doing what exercise I can without hurting my self any worse. I read all the books I can on it and study the internet.  Now I am writing on the internet to see if any one else out there in in the same boat as me and would like to share with me to help me out.

I don't know how many people do read these.  But any conversation or such would help.  I joined the Sjrogrens society but they are across the country.  So not much help with them either I guess.  Just read there pamplet they send out ever month and see what it has to say.  There are support groupr for arthritis I can go to.  But they deal more with rhuemtory and osteo and do not know too much about sjrogrens.

So for now will keep moving, Keep going to work and suffer in silence because no one in this house will acknowledge that there is anything wrong with me and still want me to be the wonder women I was.

Be back again next week sometime.  You can hear about my aches and pains again.